Please forgive me for any offensive language I may use in the next few paragraphs. This is day one of the Military Diet for me and I’m starving and cranky. I thought it would be more helpful to my readers if I updated this blog post in real time with my thoughts and feelings. If you are not aware of what the Military Diet is, basically it’s a diet that can help you lose up to 10 pounds in three days. Please see the Military Diet site for the exact rules to follow. I will tell you what I ate, when I ate it and if I am ready to punch a bitch for a Krispy Kreme donut. Which I am ready to punch a bitch for a Krispy Kreme – so if you are chowing down on one, stay FAR away. I will incite violence for pastries.
Day 1 Meal 1 (7 AM EST)
1 cup black coffee
1 piece of whole wheat toast
2 TBSP peanut butter
1/2 TSP baking soda in a glass of water (Normally, this would be a half of a grapefruit, but I can’t have grapefruit, so this is the only substitution for it.)
Current time- 9:15 AM EST
I am freakin’ starving. My stomach is making pregnant with an alien noises. This shit better work.
Stay tuned for my next update. Pray for me.
Current Time: 12:36 PM EST
1 slice of whole wheat toast
1/2 cup of tuna
1 cup of black coffee
It’s no surprise I am still hungry. Starving, in fact. However, I no longer want a donut. I want a chocolate cupcake with buttercream frosting. Continue to pray for me or send me a damn cupcake, readers!
Update at 2:41 PM EST
I almost had a breakdown near McDonalds. Not for food or a burger, but I really wanted a black iced coffee. The diet only allows for two cups of black coffee daily; one with breakfast, one with lunch. A shopping trip to Pier 1 has done nothing to improve my mood or curb my hunger.
Update at 3:25 EST
I cracked and ate my 1/2 banana and 1 cup vanilla ice cream that is supposed to be part of dinner. Mama’s losin’ it.
Update 5:26 PM EST
3 OZ skinless chicken breast on the grill
1 cup steamed green beans
I have never been so happy to see burned chicken. Ever. And the green beans? Let’s just say one fell on the floor and I almost fought the dog for it. Almost. I am hoping this is my last post of the day. I am going to try my hardest to distract myself from thinking about food. Ha. Ha Ha.